"All the way the Lord has led you..." so far: An Update

Today is my six-monthiversary!!!


WOO HOO!!!!



Shut up! It's a real thing. ;)



Six months ago, I made one change that led to another and another and another...
The result has been, basically, a 180 in my daily routine, habits, and thought life.

My body looks a bit different, too.

I'm too skinny for my skinny jeans!

I've been anticipating this milestone for weeks and trying to think of how to best sum it up for myself, as well as give adequate testimony to the work the Lord has done, and do so in a way that would serve to encourage or help others who might be looking for that sort of thing from someone such as me. The problem is, the story doesn't really start six months ago and pretty much every area of my life has been effected...so, it's hard not to tell my whole life story or go off on 80 different tangents!

But, yesterday, finally, it kind of just poured out of me. So...here goes!

6 months ago...

• I snoozed at least 4 times every morning before dragging myself out of bed.
• No matter how much I slept, I was tired all the time.
• I had 2-3 migraines a week.
• I got winded if I walked a tiny bit fast to the car.
• I could barely bend enough to lace my shoes.
• I had to squeeze into my desk chair.
• I needed an extender to buckle my seat belt.
• The largest size of pants from the plus size store was snug on me.
• My house was always pretty messy because...
• I spent almost every night eating my face off while sitting on the sofa.
• My diet consisted of fast food, junk food and coke zero.
• I was sad pretty much every day.
• My time with the Lord was squeezed in and sporadic.
• I weighed a lot more.

Today...

• I wake up between 4-4:30 most mornings and generally only snooze once.
• I'm generally only tired near bedtime.
• I have only had 4 migraines since February.
• I do a 30-45 minute run/walk program at least 4 times a week...or about 6 miles per week.
• I've got a bit of wiggle room in my desk chair.
• I stopped using the seat belt extender about a month ago.
• Almost alll of my pants are too big.
• My house is almost always "clean enough" for random company.
• I spend my evenings with friends, exercising, and catching up on chores. And, yes, watching a little bit of TV. ;)
• My diet consists of mostly "real food", i.e., meat, veggies, and fruit.
• My sad days are fewer and far between and I pretty regularly have random moments where I feel all "WOO HOO!" inside for no apparent reason.
• My time with the Lord happens first thing in the morning, almost every morning.
• I am about 70 lbs lighter...or, I lost the equivalent of a 5th grader. 

I should probably be really embarrassed about 85% of what was on those lists, but I'm not. ;)

Back in February, I changed my eating habits. It was the direction I felt like I was given by the Lord to deal with my migraines. At first, the weight loss was just lagniappe. Then, I sort of caught on to what the Lord was up to.

About 2 months in, I was driving home, minding my own business, jamming to some Mandisa, when I felt the Lord say that He was looking to do a deeper work... to set me free from things that have had a firm grip on me for most of my life - fewer migraines and weight loss was lagniappe. It was such a sweet moment. I had these small things in mind - to stop hurting or be a normal size - and God says, "Oh, honey, I have so much more for you than that!"

As you can see from the lists up top, so much has already changed. Yet, I feel like it is just a preview of what's to come...of what the Lord is really up to in this whole thing. Uncharacteristically, I am not trying to figure it all out. I'm just enjoying the ride, at times being moved to tears in gratitude for all He has done so far.

I've also learned a few things along the way and I'd like to share a few of them, if for no other reason than help remind myself when I forget. ;)

Start with one thing...
I know how tempting it can be to try to do a 180 overnight. But, take it from someone who has failed at this whole thing more than she has succeeded...trying to diet and start exercising and generally inject order and health into every area of your life in one fell swoop is a recipe for disaster and discouragement. A juggler doesn't start juggling with 6 balls, he starts with one and goes from there. So, pick one area, rock the crap out of it, then build on the foundation of that success. 

Failure is not optional...

I read something that said "Don't be afraid to fail. It will help you suck less." I really loved that idea. If you never fail it is probably because you never try anything hard or "impossible". Occasional failures just mean that we are striving for something beyond us...something great. Sometimes, we miss. But, sometimes, we don't! The next moment, the next hour, the next meal, the next day is another opportunity to choose to to rock the plan and to generally be awesome. TAKE IT!

I heart running...
No. For real! I do! I'm super slow and can only go for 4 minute stretches before I have to stop and walk a bit. But, I really do love it. It feels like this impossible thing to me. I should not be able to run. My heart should explode. I should blow a knee. I should face plant on the road. But, every time I go out and do it and finish and then go out and do it again, even better than the last time...it just blows my mind. Sometimes, when I finish a particularly hard interval, I cry. True story.

These are the feet of a runner!

At the end of every "fact", there is a "But, God..."

Six months ago, I felt very, hopelessly stuck...and, if I'm honest, kind of forgotten, both by people and by the Lord. I was going through the motions. I was apathetic. I was angry. But, every so often, I'd reach a point where the only response I could muster was to cry out for help. Any kind of help. I don't remember praying for anything specific. I simply asked Him to help, to rescue me, to give me a way out of the sadness. And, if I'm honest, I didn't really believe I'd get an answer. In the moment, my soul cried out, but my heart and mind was kinda like "Psh!" But, in due time, He did answer.

And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. ~ Deuteronomy 8:2 

Some reading this may think...in due time? Um, you're old. You've been fat a long time, girlfriend. What do you mean "in due time?" It looks late to me! All I can say to that is, I'm different this time. My desire for change isn't really about changing my circumstances. I have a vision for this and the future that I have never had before. And, I know I can only say those things because of everything else that has gone before. Though it was long and most of the time I felt like it was a mistake or a waste, it was preparing me for this, right now. It may sound hokey, but it is what it is. I know that the Tina rocking this now is not the same Tina who tried to do this all the other times before. Beyond that, I don't have another answer. I don't know why it took this long. I don't know the point or purpose or ultimate plan. I just know I'm here now and this is happening now because the Lord got me read, has continued to make a way, and give me the little pushes and shoves I've needed all along the way. Which leads me to...

I've been Set up to Succeed...

If I had to sum up this leg of the journey in one phrase it would be "set up to succeed."

I can hardly talk about this part without getting choked up. For serious. It's been amazing. Before this started, I was stuck in this gross swamp of pain and sadness. I had 2-3 migraines a week that kept me home, in the dark, alone. Which, in case you couldn't guess, did nothing to help my emotional state! But, this whole first leg of the journey, I've literally felt the Lord with me the all the way, leading me, protecting me, and providing a way of escape when I am tempted to give up or do something else I'll regret. On top of that, each time I've needed to kick things up a notch, like starting to run or adding strength training, He's made a way. In both instances, I thought about doing those things for weeks until finally that little extra incentive or push to actually do it was dropped in my lap, my hand was lovingly forced and I finally did it. Most recently, there was something I wanted to do, a way I wanted to push myself that I didn't share with anyone...a few days later I had a convo that gave me the carefully crafted incentive I needed to go for it. Each time my mind is blown. I've never felt the Lord so near, so active in my life, ever. It is so humbling and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. 

And...I'm choked up again.

For the first time in my life, I'm excited about the future.

I'm also excited about this...

Booyah! 

That's me, 6 months ago and me now. The difference is kind of evident on the outside, but I wish y'all could see the difference on the inside! Seriously! The after picture would look like Adam Levine's fiance the day after he proposed!

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for the next 6 months!!

-t